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The loss of a loved one will leave you feeling empty inside as if the world will never be the same again and nothing will ever be able to heal your pain. The truth is that time heal all wounds and the world keeps going on as if nothing ever happened.When my gran passed away the last thing I really wanted to hear from anyone was that it would get better at time continued, but they were right. Life is too short and you should live everyday as if it was your last because you never know when it could end.
June 3rd 2010. Was possibly the worst day of my life. I had found out my gran had died. I felt like my whole world had come crashing down. My gran and I were extremely close. I told her absolutely everything, knowing that she was only ever a phonecall away. After I received the call, I cried a bit. I sat in a daze for a while, thinking about my gran, trying to come to terms with what I had just heard but also trying to stay strong for my little brother who didn’t really know what was going on. Other family members dealt with it in different ways: tears, humour, eating, cooking, cleaning. Some wanted to talk about her. Some wanted to talk about anything else. Some wanted to talk about nothing at all. I had learned that the best thing you can do is take a deep breath and realize that everyone around you is dealing with the same thing you are, in their own way. You just need to be there when others want to talk and back off when they don’t. Also letting go of the bad memories is vital.
When people pass away, there is a window of opportunity there to let lots of little,petty things go and let the bad memories take a back seat, at least for a little while and just remember the good things, so that you can remember them for the good things and not the bad which helps with the grieving process. And through this ordeal I learnt that people grieve in different ways. I remember waking up on the day of the funeral and feeling slightly odd, not in a bad way because I was sad, but I was happy. Some people may say that I was being selfish for feeling happy but the truth is, I didnt care. I felt as if my gran was in a better place now and watching over my family and I.
When the funeral came around, we sat in the church hall listening to everyone’s memories about her and tears came flooding back. But it was amazing to hear that she had changed so many peoples lives and even though she was gone, she would always be in everyone’s heart forever. As her coffin moved slowly into the blast furnace the hall fell silent, I could hear small weeps from every direction. I managed to choke back my tears. I wanted to stay strong. To show my family that I was coping with my grans sudden death. A few days after the funeral I started feeling depressed, knowing that when I went to visit my granda my gran wouldn’t be there.
I remember visiting my granda one day after school and sitting in silence, the house was so quiet that you could here a pin drop. When my gran was alive there was never a moments silence, she was always so cheerful no matter how bad her day had been. My granda had asked me if I could get his inhaler from his bedside cabinet in his bedroom. I hesitated before walking into the bedroom, the bedroom which my gran had slept in. The room was as cold as ice, the bed looked as if it hadn’t been slept in for a good few days. I threw myself onto their bed and saw a picture of my gran and I on her cabinet and burst into tears. I just missed her so much. I felt as if someone had ripped my heart out, but I know I wasn’t the only person feeling like this.I constantly felt like this for weeks like my life wasn’t worth living anymore. I just missed her so much, I was always down and rarely ever happy.
One day everything got worse, Khloe my cousin had told me that she had actually considered suicide, my 17 year old cousin was thinking about taking her own life because she missed my gran so much. I had tried to talk to my cousin and persuade her to think otherwise and she agreed. I didn’t know if she was being genuinely serious or she was just agreeing with me to shut me up. There was something that made me think she was lying. I started getting worried about her, phoning and texting her everyday and night to make sure she was feeling okay. It got to a point where I couldn’t handle it anymore I felt as if I had to tell someone, anyone I just had to get it off my chest.
I decided that I had to tell my dad. My dad was shocked when I told him what Khloe was considering to do. My dad and I decided to talk to her, luckily we did eventually manage to talk her out of it. My dad had told her that our gran would not have wanted her to be silly and take your her life she would have wanted her to live life to the fullest and enjoy each day as it comes and now when my cousin looks back she realizes just how silly she was to even think of such a thing. From my grans death, our family have grew closer. The family members that I might have only seen at family occasions, I now see them once or twice a month. I personally feel as if I have grown stronger as an individual by this experience.